FML running sideways

I'm up way too early. I feel out of sorts. Not exactly happy, but not sad or depressed or anything either. Just 'meh.' I guess with my birthday being nearly ruined and this trip to Tulsa in 4 hours I've got a lot on my mind. I have decisions I should make that in all honesty I just don't want to make. I guess I'll have a week 1/2 to think about it... or not! I don't really know what to expect when I get to Tulsa anyway. Maybe I won't even have the time to think about it? That would be nice... This could be like walking away from small car wreck and directly into a burning building though. I know that I should be very careful with what I do while I'm away. And you know actions speak much louder, clearer, stronger then words. If I fuck up "I'm sorry" ain't going to cut it. Fuck. Now I'm thinking about it and I really just don't know what to do.